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There are these two tomatoes in a refrigerator. One says, "brrrrrr, it's cold,"

           The other looks at him and says "AAAUUGGHH! A talking tomatoe!"

 

 

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and  came upon a casket containing a  mummy.    After examining it, he called  the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum. "I've just discovered a 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.

To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."

A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"

"Easy. There was a piece of parchment in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."

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Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. That way, if he doesn't like what you have to say, it'll be OK because you'll be a mile away and you'll have his shoes

 


When two deaf persons met on the roadside the conversations went like this:

"Are you going to see a movie?"

"No, no, I am going to see a movie."

"Oh,I am sorry, I thought you are going to see a movie."

 



One fine morning a man entered the room of his boss and asked for a day's leave to celebratethe fifth anniversary. The inquisitive boss asked, "The fifth anniversary of what?"........................"My last raise"



 

Gypsy woman with crystal ball:

Till the age of forty you will be unhappy because you will be poor.

Client(eagerly):    and then

Gypsy woman: Then you will get used to it.