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Nasruddin and the conqueror

A certain conqueror said to Nasruddin:

"Mulla, all the great rulers of the past had honorific titles with the name of God in them: there was, for instance, God-Gifted,  and God-Accepted, and so on. How about some such name for me?"

 "God Forbid," said Nasruddin.

Nasruddin and the bedouins

"When I was in the desert," said Nasruddin one day, "I caused an entire tribe of horrible and bloodthirsty bedouins to run."

 "However did you do it?"

 "Easy. I just ran, and they ran after me."

 

Nasruddin delivers a khutbah (sermon)

Once, the people of The City invited Mulla Nasruddin to deliver a khutba. When he got on the minbar (pulpit), he found the audience was not very enthusiastic, so he asked "Do you know what I am going to say?" The audience replied "NO", so he announced "I have no desire to speak to people who don't even know what I will be talking about" and he left.

The people felt embarrassed and called him back again the next day. This time when he asked the same question, the people replied "YES" So Mullah Nasruddin said, "Well, since you already know what I am going to say, I won't waste any more of your time" and he left.

Now the people were really perplexed. They decided to try one more time and once again invited the Mullah to speak the following week. Once again he asked the same question - "Do you know what I am going to say?" Now the people were prepared and so half of them answered "YES" while the other half replied "NO". So Mullah Nasruddin said "The half who know what I am going to say, tell it to the other half" and he left!

 

Nasruddin and his donkey

One day , one of Mullah Nasruddin's friend came over and wanted to borrow his donkey for a day or two. Mullah, knowing his friend, was not kindly inclined to the request, and came up with the excuse that someone had already borrowed his donkey. Just as Mullah uttered these words, his donkey started braying in his backyard. Hearing the sound, his friend gave him an accusing look, to which Mullah replied: "I refuse to have any further dealings with you since you take a donkey's word over mine."

Nasruddin and the violin

 Once, Mullah Nasruddin bought a violin. And he began to play.

 NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....

 Same note, same string, over and over.

 NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....

 After a few hours his wife was at her wits' end. "Nasruddin!" she screamed.

 NEEE..

 Nasruddin put down the bow. "Yes dear?"

 "Why do you play the same note? It's driving me crazy! All the real violin players move their fingers up and down, play on different strings! Why don't you play like they do?"

 "Well dear, I know why they go up and down and try all different strings."

 "Why is that?"

 "They're looking for *this* note." And he picked up his bow and resumed his playing.

 NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....

 

Why we are here

Walking one evening along a deserted road, Nasruddin saw a troop of horsemen rapidly approaching. His imagination started to work; he saw himself captured or robbed or killed and frightened by this thought he bolted, climbed a wall into a graveyard, and lay down in an open grave to hide.

Puzzled at his bizzare behaviour, the horsemen - honest travellers - followed him.

They found him stretched out, tense, and shaking.

"What are you doing in that grave? We saw you run away. Can we help you? Why are you here in this place?"

"Just because you can ask a question does not mean that there is a straightforward answer to it," said Nasruddin, who now realized what had happened. "It all depends upon your viewpoint. If you must know, however, I am here because of you -  and you are here because of me!"

 

Nasruddin and the will of God

"May the Will of Allah be done," a pious man was saying about something or the other.

"It always is, in any case," said Mullah Nasruddin.

"How can you prove that, Mullah?" asked the man.

"Quite simply. If it wasn't always being done, then surely at some time or another my will would be done, wouldn't it?"